The Flower Lecture
by Green Kneesocks
Summary: People Under the ach Coming Home verse. Sequel to The Facts of Life According to David M. Cullen Sr. Alice has some questions the day after her first visitor and her other decides to give her a certain flower lecture. More confused than before she goes to her big sister for some clarification. Donna gets roped into this too and wonders how her life took this turn.


A/N: Yay! More Roach and Alice goodness! The shippers shall rejoice…now!

It was a warm summer's day several months after escape. Alice was sitting in her room still in bed. She was in pain, not as bad as punishment pain but not good either. She hated having to stay away from Roach for so long…she hated being away from him…but she also didn't want to be with him. If she wasn't with him then what would she do with her day? She didn't realize before how much of her life was about him.

"Allie, I have to go to work now but there's plenty of food for you in the kitchen and more supplies in the bathroom…are you Ok in there?" asked Mary-Ann from outside the door. She worried for Alice but at the same time was glad that she was there for this very important milestone.

"I'm Ok, real mother." Said Alice sitting up on her bed. She worried then about what her real mother would do if she found Alice still in bed. She had no idea her real mother was still home, usually she left for work early in the morning.

"Can I come in?" asked Mary –Ann. That real mother prefix disturbed her a bit. Did Alice still consider that woman to be anything of a mother figure?

"Yes." Said Alice. She got up and stood next to her bed with her shaking arms at her sides. It was the click, click, click, of her real mother's shoes that began to take her back there. She jumped when Mary-Ann put a hand on her shoulder.

"You're shaking like a leaf honey. If there anything you want to talk about? I'm here for you, you know that." Said Mary-Ann. Alice shook her head no.

"I'm alright. I understand that I'm not dying, just bleeding for no reason." Said Alice. Mary-Ann collected herself for a moment and then sat Alice and herself down on the bed.

"No, it's not for no reason. Remember, it's just a part of growing up." Said Mary-Ann. Alice nodded slowly, not looking forward to a lifetime of this.

"So for the rest of my life I'll be bleeding non-stop for one whole week every month?" asked Alice quietly. Mary-Ann had to admit her daughter had a point.

"Well it's not all bad. You get to have babies now…well not now, when you're married…or not; I live in the latter half of the twentieth century after all." Said Mary-Ann. Now Alice was very confused.

"Babies?" asked Alice in a small voice. She had seen babies before but never up close and Roach's friend, that girl from under the stairs was going to have one. Maybe Roach would like one too…but she didn't know how to get one and she didn't know if Roach did either.

"Alice…what do you know about sex?" asked Mary-Ann. Alice hadn't been molested, the doctor swore up and down to that, but she did spend a lot of time with the Cullen boy…not that he'd hurt her…but he was a fifteen year old boy…

"I don't know what that is." Said Alice. Mary-Ann decided that she'd have to be late for work that day, for the good of her daughter.

"Well you see; every woman has a…garden. A man has a seed. When they love each other very much the man plants his seed in the woman's garden. Then nine months later a baby is born." Said Mary-Ann painfully. She thought it would have been easier than telling Debbie but it wasn't. Alice looked thoughtful.

"So it's like Cabbage Patch kids?" said Alice looking over the Cabbage Patch kids on her dresser. Mary-Ann looked very, very uncomfortable then. It was worse than with Debbie…Debbie at least knew something.

"We'll…uh…talk about it later. I have to go to work now. Bye honey, have a fun day at home." said Mary-Ann getting up. She waved goodbye to Alice, her heels clicking against the wood floors of the hallway. Alice went over to the window and watched her mother drive away.

"Will this ever end?" muttered Alice as she felt another pain rack through her body. She looked over the picture of Roach she had stuck in the mirror of her vanity table and felt bad. She had surely been in much worse pain than this.

"Roach…I'll see you in a week. I love you." Said Alice talking to the picture. She hoped she wasn't beginning to go crazy. Alice always knew she loved him. They had been together for as long as she could remember, since they were children. They had been each other's only friends in that hell. She had always been better than him, though. He was bad because he remembered…he was five when he came into the house. He'd always tell her about what the outside was like.

Foolish fairytales.

Not anymore.

Alice walked over to her closet and looked for a dress to wear. She had been warned to wear dark colors and clothes she wouldn't be too upset to ruin. She chose a dark black short sleeved dress that fell to her knees. She threw her nightgown off and pulled the dress over her head. It was tighter than what Mommy had made for her…good. It was good to be bad sometimes. She brushed her hair still looking at that picture of Roach. She took two weeks after escape when he was still in the hospital. He was thinner then, and paler. He looked better now.

"_(Bed goes up, bed goes down.)"_

"_Roach…are you Ok? Can you stop playing with the bed for a minute?" _

"_(I'm alive and so are you, that's what matter.)"_

"_Oh…well Ok to what you said. Can I take your picture?"_

"_(Why?)"_

"_Because I want to remember you being this happy forever."_

Alice was thrown from her memory at the sound of a door opening followed by angry cursing. She wiped tears from her eyes that she hadn't even known she was making. Why was she sad? That was a happy memory.

"It's too damn early for this. Stupid Donna making me get up at the crack of nine for stupid revenge…making me mutter to myself like a crazy person." Alice could hear her sister muttering to herself as she walked across the hall over to the bathroom.

"Stupid toothpaste on my stupid nightshirt." Said Debbie angrily. The water in the sink was running now and she was still muttering to herself as she brushed her teeth. Alice found it funny, just a little funny…ok a lot.

"Hey Allie! You up yet?" said Debbie not bothering for an answer as she pushed the door open like she owned the place. Alice stifled a giggle, Debbie looked terrible. Her hair was like a bird's nest around her head, one of her socks was up and one was down, and she had toothpaste on the front of her short Disney nightshirt.

"Good morning." Said Alice as she continued to brush out her hair, much more carefully than when Mommy did it. Debbie went over to her and began to look through her make up like she owned the place.

"Here, dark red lipstick with some light blush…we definitely need some eyeliner here…where's the mascara? Work with me here, Allie. We gotta get you looking nice for David Jr." said Debbie as she began to treat Alice like a doll. Alice minded, a little bit, she wasn't a doll.

"I can't see Roach for five to seven days because of…you know." said Alice. Debbie clicked her tongue. On the grand scale of PMS Allie was doing surprisingly well. Besides, if they were going to be together for, like, ever then he needed to get used to this kinds thing.

"Not entirely true, Allie, not entirely true. Sure you'll yell and yell or cry and cry but you're not, like, under house arrest or anything." Said Debbie

"But I'm not sure if I…should." Said Alice. It was strange…she missed Roach but at the same time she wanted to be away from him. Maybe she was going crazy.

"So, like, don't go. Stay here, watch TV, sew something, anyway you'll look great doing it." Said Debbie coloring Alice's face. Alice looked deep in thought about something.

"…so people are like Cabbage Patch Kids?" said Alice after a moment. Debbie looked at her for a long time. Alice shrunk back, she didn't like that look.

"What…?" said Debbie looking at the red haired Cabbage Path Kid staring at them from the other side of the bed. Alice looked down, feeling that she should be embarrassed.

"Real mother said that people came from gardens and Cabbage Patch Kids grow in the garden so I thought…" said Alice. Debbie stared at her for a moment and then began to laugh. Alice laughed too even though she didn't feel like it. It wasn't the cruel way Mommy and Daddy would laugh but it still didn't feel good.

"Mom gave you the flower lecture, didn't she?" asked Debbie wiping tears from her eyes carefully as not to cause premature wrinkles. Alice nodded.

"Well, like, first of all the whole garden thing was a total metaphor. You know what that is, right?" said Debbie with her back to Alice going through her various dresses. Everything she owned was from Vintage village…just awful. She looked like that chick in Dirty Dancing only skinnier and with more babe potential.

"Like when people say something but they mean something else?" said Alice. Debbie tossed her a dark brown sleeveless dress with buttons down the front.

"Yeah, see you don't need school. Anyway, put that on first of all. I know the color totally sucks and all but dark colors and things you're not scared to ruin are best right now. Trust me, I went through this before. Well, I was eleven…I've learned over the years." Said Debbie through the walls as she walked over to her room. Alice got dressed and nodded even though her sister couldn't hear her. She liked talking to Debbie and having s sister. She was always nice to her and taught her the most important things in life; or at least what Debbie called the most important thing.

"I look pretty." Said Alice softly as she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Vanity was a sin, she knew that. She didn't care. Mommy said vanity was a sin but she went and put on nice things and makeup too. Mommy even put makeup on her to make her look more like a doll. Now she looked more like...well like Debbie.

"Ok, I'm here, I'm dressed, I'm going to teach you all that you need to know about sex." Said Debbie entering Alice's room dramatically. Alice looked away; Debbie's outfit was a riot of neon color. The green in no way shape or form went with the pink.

"What's sex? I don't know what that means other than people get babies from it." asked Alice innocently. Debbie's smile dropped. she expected her little sister to know…something…hell she spent most of her time with a guy for God's sake!

"It's something a boy and a girl do…in bed…or a car…or the park…yeah, I can't do this." said Debbie. It was one thing to share the wealth of her knowledge, it was another to go from the starting line. How did she even start this?

"Oh, sorry." Said Alice. She'd have to wait for her real mother to get home to tell her about it. Debbie thought for a moment.

"But I totally know someone who can. You go and, like, make some cereal while I make some calls." Said Debbie. Alice nodded and went into the kitchen. She opened and closed the cabinets a few times before getting her and Debbie's cereal out. She opened and closed the fridge a few times too as she got the milk out. It was nice, having access to the kitchen.

"Man, you really like Addam's Family cereal." Said Debbie as she sat down to her breakfast. Alice nodded.

"All of Roach's sisters and his brother like it so I like it too." said Alice pouring them some orange juice.

"What's he like, food wise?" asked Debbie separating the non-marshmallow pieces out from the marshmallow pieces.

"Roach likes raw pancake mix for breakfast but his family makes him cook it when they find him eating it. He puts gummies in it then and M&M's. He like's sweet foods." Said Alice. Debbie gave her a long look.

"Raw…like with just water?" said Debbie. Alice nodded.

"Why?" asked Debbie. Alice shrugged and winced as a twinge of pain ran through her midsection. Inside pain wasn't better or worse than outside pain; just different. She couldn't wait for this to be over.

"He says it feels good in his mouth and tastes good." Said Alice. Debbie cocked what she considered a perfectly formed eyebrow. Alice looked down at her cereal; the morning sun was catching on Debbie's neon outfit.

"Well, like, probably better than whatever he was eating before. Not people, I know, I know." said Debbie drinking the milk from the bottom of the bowl. Alice gave her a look.

"Roach ate rats and what I could get him from my meals. I told you that." Said Alice. She felt…not exactly angry…annoyed. Yes, she was annoyed. Very annoyed. Like she wanted to throw her bowl at Debbie.

"Ok, Ok, you don't have to, like, bite my head off." said Debbie putting their bowls in the dishwasher. Alice got up and went upstairs to take her medicine for the day. She opened the little box with the right day of the week on it and took the little pills inside. She glanced out the bathroom door at the clock in her room. It was almost time to take her once a day at the same time every day vitamin from the circle case. The doorbell rang as she gulped down the vitamin with a cup of water. Donna's voice filled the house.

"So you're finally ready to pay me back. I told you my R.E.M. record wasn't scratched when I let you borrow it." Said Donna. Alice walked downstairs quietly like she was back in Mommy and Daddy's house.

"You'll get the money for your crappy record at the end of the day." Said Debbie in the voice her father used when he was conducting business over the phone with a particularly difficult client.

"End of the…what do you mean by crappy? It's better than the 80's bubble gum pop you listen to." Said Donna. She saw Alice in a hideous brown dress out of the corner of her eye. She didn't have a good feeling about this.

"Madonna is an artist." Said Debbie her voice dripping with utter solemnness like she was talking about Mozart, or Nirvana, or Michael Jackson.

"Madonna yes, Paula Abdul, yes, Cyndi Lauper…maybe she's hit and miss." Said Donna like she was the ultimate authority on music.

"Madonna has some really good songs. Roach likes Papa Don't Preach and so do I but his favorite song is Bohemian Rhapsody from Queen. I kinda of like that one…sort of…" said Alice quietly. Donna clicked her tongue.

"I'm gonna file that one away for later. Good to know, Alice, good to know." said Debbie. Her little brother; abuse survivor, mute, insomniac, and now closet Madonna fan.

"See, Allie likes guys with good taste." Said Debbie. Alice looked down shyly. Donna kicked off her sandals; she got the feeling she was going to be here for a while.

"I'm not here to debate music or Alice's strange taste in guys. I'm here for my money because I really need to replace that record." Said Donna. Debbie put on her best Stepford wife smile. It made Alice think of Mommy.

"I, like, told you I'd give it to you at the end of the day." Said Debbie walking upstairs. Donna and Alice followed her into Alice's room. Debbie motioned for Alice to sit down.

"What do you mean by the end of the day?" asked Donna. Debbie rocked on her heals and exhaled loudly.

"Donna, I haven't been entirely truthful with you. You see I called you here for a specific purpose." Said Debbie. Alice covered her smile with her hand as she took in Donna's expression.

"Remember our fifth grade pact…if one of us goes to jail the other one has to deliver the cake with the saw in it." Said Debbie. Donna took a few steps backward. She knew her siblings were making tentative plans to either kill the Robeson's or just torch the prison and she knew Alice was vaguely involved…it was too early for this.

"I think you're scaring her." said Alice quietly as Donna inched her way backwards away from Debbie. Debbie grabbed her arm, her chipped pink nails digging into Donna's arm.

"Well nobody's in any danger of going to jail." Said Debbie with a laugh. Alice giggled and little behind her hand. Donna just glared.

"Did you call me over here just to mess with me? 'Cause I left David Jr. in charge until either mom or dad gets home from work and I know Morgan's gonna mess with him. If this isn't important I'm going home and playing board games all day with David Jr. and Dot." Said Donna. Debbie pulled her close and gave her a pleading look.

"I need your help with something important." Said Debbie with utter seriousness. Donna looked from Alice to Debbie and back again. Well, Alice obviously wasn't pregnant…did she want to break up with David Jr.?

"I get the feeling this isn't about your summer reading report." Said Donna. Alice sat on her bed, the pain within her receding for a bit. Whatever sex was it seemed complicated if two people were necessary to explain it to her.

"It's about Allie…well mom gave Allie the garden lecture." said Debbie in one fast breath.

"The garden lecture…?" said Donna looking at Alice as she sat there on her pink bed looking so very small and out of place in her ill-fitting brown dress. Donna remembered the events of the previous day and realization began to dawn on her.

"I just wanted to know if people came from the garden like Cabbage Patch Kids." Said Alice. Donna looked back and forth between Debbie and Alice all the while suppressing her laughter.

"She's, like, totally serious, by the way." Said Debbie. Donna composed herself. Well it stood to reason that Alice, not knowing what her period was, would have no clue about…this and that…

"So you want me to tell her about…you know; this and that?" said Donna. Debbie nodded.

"Well, I need you to help me. Just, like, think of it as practice for when we have daughters." Said Debbie. Donna turned to face her completely.

"Ok, first of all when we have Diamond and Emerald we'll be successful adults with years of life experience. Secondly, what makes you think I'm even gonna stay here and tell her about…it?" said Donna. Debbie reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Because I'm asking you as your best and oldest friend. I can't do this alone." Said Debbie looking Donna right in the eye. Alice thought it was a little like how Roach looked at her sometimes.

"Fine. I hate it when you give me that look, you know that, right?" said Donna playfully pushing Debbie away.

"Yeah, but it totally works." Said Debbie. Donna looked over at their silent spectator perched on the bed looking at her with expectant brown eyes. How bad could it possibly be?

"So, what do you want to know?" asked Donna in her best big sister voice. It felt weird using that one someone outside of her family who wasn't asking about horrific child abuse.

"I just want to know what sex is. It seems complicated if two people need to explain it to me." Said Alice holding her Cabbage Patch Kid Doll in her lap. Were babies found in the garden like Cabbage Patch Kids were? If so then why were babied in the hospital when they were born? Did they take them hospital after they were found?

"Well it's physically simple but emotionally complicated." Said Donna. Alice looked up at her like she was bringing down the word of God. Honestly, Donna thought it was a little creepy.

"It has nothing to do with gardening. I'm just gonna put that out there." Said Debbie. She and Donna sat on either side of Alice on the bed. She imagined that Alice was her future daughter, Diamond, and Donna's future daughter, Emerald, was on the other side of them.

"So then where do babies come from?" asked Alice in that naturally harmless tone she used when she wanted to know something. It came from practice when she was younger Mommy would sometimes answer her questions even if she had spoken without being spoken to. Debbie and Donna thought it was a little creepy.

"Well, it has to do with what happening to you right now. It the same parts only a baby grows in there." Said Donna stumbling over her words.

"How does the baby get in there?" asked Alice. Donna got up and began to pace nervously. Debbie drummed her fingers against her thigh. She knew what happened, she had even done it before, but for some odd reason she and Donna were having trouble getting the words out.

"Why is this so hard? We've talked about this a thousand times. Hell, we've even done it with guys before." Said Donna

"I'm sorry." Said Alice in that shrinking tone she used when she felt she was in trouble. Debbie gave her a one armed hug.

"Nobody's mad at you. It's just…hard to talk about this right now for some reason. I guess because you're starting from, like, nothing." Said Debbie. This wasn't like the quiet phone conversations shared with Donna about backseat romps with their respective boyfriends.

"You know the difference between boys and girls…right?" asked Donna. Alice had to know. Donna knew full well that David Jr.'s hand found its way up her dress on occasion so obviously she was returning the favor…right?

"Boys are taller, don't wear dresses, have shorter hair..." Alice's voice trailed off as she took in Debbie and Donna's expressions. They weren't good. Not good at all.

"What about…the big difference?" asked Donna. No, no way. There was no way, after what she and David Jr., did…no, no way.

"Or small. It's not the size of the difference that matters, it's what he does with it." Laughed Debbie trying to break the rapidly forming layer of ice. Donna gave her a look.

"Hang on, I have an idea. Can I see these?" Said Donna going over to Alice's doll box and taking out a Barbie and a Ken doll.

"Ok." Said Alice confused. She looked over at Debbie with wide questioning eyes. Debbie resisted the urge to tell her that dolls came to life at night.

"Ok, so you've got a guy and girl and then they-" started Donna before Debbie cut her off.

"Barbie and Ken don't have junk." Said Debbie helpfully. Donna gave her a look not unlike the one her mother gave her on a regular basis.

"Well, where the hell am I supposed anatomically correct Barbie dolls?" said Donna drumming her fingers against her thigh in annoyance. Debbie shrugged.

"Where they get the ones they use in court rooms." Said Debbie. Donna resisted the urge to toss the doll at Debbie's head.

"I'm confused, I'm very confused." Said Alice in a hopeless voice. Debbie and Donna stepped into the hallway. Alice hoped she hadn't done anything wrong. She rocked back and forth on the bed as she felt herself going back to the house. She pulled herself back, remembering that the past was the past and she was safe now. She muttered this to herself like her talking doctor had told her to. She stopped as Debbie and Donna entered the room.

"Alice, we've come to a decision." Said Debbie. Alice sat up straighter. Debbie had used her real name, it must have been serious.

"Yes?" asked Alice as dozens of scenarios ran through her mind.

"We're unscrambling the Spice Network." Said Debbie she and Donna left her room and motioned for her to follow. They made their way downstairs into the living room. Alice sat on the couch while Debbie and Donna flipped to the scrambled channel. For the next hour they tried in vain to unscramble it like their lives depended on it. Soon they began to get the beginnings of a clear picture.

"How's it look?" asked Debbie as she attached more tin foil to the TV antenna and the box that gave them extra channels. Donna began to laugh all of a sudden.

"I think this is the home shopping network!" laughed Donna. Alice could just make out the pictures on the screen through the blurriness. Those were some pretty earrings.

"So I've been…to that…all these years…" said Debbie with an indescribable look on her face. Donna laughed so hard she began to snort.

"Plan B." said Donna. Debbie nodded and then looked confused.

"We had a plan b?" asked Debbie. Donna rolled her eyes.

"Well, it should have been plan a but you insisted on the Spice Network so…" said Donna her voice trailing off.

"Fine, I'll get the stupid book. It's not that informative, you know." said Debbie her feet pitter pattering against the living room carpet.

"It has pictures!" called Donna turning towards Debbie's retreating form.

"This has got to be the most complicated thing in the world." Said Alice. Donna shook her head.

"I told you, it's physically simple but emotionally complicated." Said Donna turning to face Alice. Alice played with the fabric of her dress.

"How can something be simple and complicated?" asked Alice. Donna bit her lower lip in thought.

"It's simple because…well…boys and girls have different parts. For girl it goes in but for boys they have something that comes…well…it's out. It's supposed to go in and out of a girl. That's pretty much sex in a nutshell." Said Donna feeling very, very awkward. Suddenly Debbie's framed eighth grade diploma was the most interesting thing in the room.

"How can something that's supposed to be in be out and not be a bad thing?" asked Alice. Donna dug her thumbnail into the denim of her shorts wishing that Debbie would just find the stupid book already. She could find the most hideous neon outfit in existence but she couldn't find one measly book?

"It's not supposed to be inside in the first place. Well, for dogs yeah but not people. Boys and girls are supposed to fit together like…"

"Puzzle pieces?" asked Alice going over her mental inventory of things that fit together. She wished then, more than ever, that Roach had let her make him feel good the way he made her feel good. At least then she'd have some idea of what Donna was talking about.

"Found it!" cried Debbie as she raced down the stairs and into the living room. She plopped herself down on the couch and thrust a book into Alice's arms. It wasn't like the one Trysta gave her; this was thicker and didn't have flowers on the cover.

"Boobs, Boys, and All That Icky Stuff: A Girl's Guide to Growing Up." Said Alice reading the cover aloud. It was a hot pink and the words were made to look like they were written with lipstick. Debbie snatched the book from her hands and began to flip through the pages.

"Here. This is what girls have and this is what guys have. It's not a good picture and totally not to scale; that's why I wanted to show you the porn channel. Wow…Ok, I, like, never want to have to say those words in that order again." Said Debbie with a shudder. Alice flipped through the pages. Wow. So that's what her insides looked like. So people fit their bad parts, no not bad….they fit themselves together like that and then a baby would come. Wow.

"I'm honestly amazed you didn't know about this with the way you and David Jr., fool around and all." Said Donna without thinking. Debbie's eyebrows shot up so fast it looked like they were going to shoot off her head.

"No freakin' way! Allie, what do you get up to when nobody's home?" said Debbie. It was almost beyond comprehension even though she herself had told Allie that it was Ok for him to touch her. They had a long conversation about it and she still couldn't believe it.

"But you…you said it was alright." Said Alice her face heating up. She wished then that there was enough space between the walls of her house so she could just disappear forever and ever. It couldn't have been bad, what they did, because it felt so good.

"It's more than alright, it's great! See, you're, like, totally, certifiably, normal." Said Debbie giving her a little hug. Donna felt just a tiny bit uncomfortable right then. Discussing the subtle nuances of Alice and David Jr.'s romantic escapades was not high up on her bucket list.

"Really?" asked Alice, hope tinting her voice. Debbie rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm lying to your face…yes its normal! It's nothing I wasn't doing way back when I was your age." Said Debbie. Alice gave her a look. Donna wanted to sink into the couch cushions and go to the couch version of Narnia.

"You're only sixteen; that was two years ago." Said Alice putting the book on the coffee table. Donna looked very, very, uncomfortable as she sat next to them. Either that or she really liked the Home Shopping Network.

"We're teenagers, that's like twice as long for us. Anyway, I bet you've got some good stories." Said Debbie. Donna shook her head. Alice looked down and played with her hair; maybe if she tried hard enough she'd turn invisible.

"What, you're not curious? Not even a little?" said Debbie. She knew she sounded like a total pervert but she was actually really curious. What was it like to kiss a guy with his tongue cut out? Did he put those unusually long fingers of his to good use? Was he good for s fifteen year old or actually good? Or did he fail at fooling around forever and nobody but Allie would want him in her bed. Not that Debbie had ever given this much thought or anything.

"Not when it comes to my little brother! God!" said Donna. She didn't want to think about David Jr. like that in any way shape or form. She wanted him to find happiness in another person and he did…that didn't mean she needed to know about it in graphic detail.

"Quite, having a heart attack, grandma. They probably didn't even go that far considering Allie didn't even know what was going on down there with guys." Said Debbie. Honestly, it was just girl talk. It wasn't like Allie was going to draw them some pictures and diagrams or anything.

"I've never seen Roach undressed." Said Alice softly still twisting a strand of her long brown hair between her fingers.

"Seriously?" said Debbie. Alice nodded. Donna hoped that they'd change the subject.

"What is with you and the neon? The 80's are over, accept it." Said Donna motioning towards Debbie's outfit. Debbie got up and twirled around with her arms out.

"I look awesome. The neon works with my skin tone and neon is totally in right now." Said Debbie with a huff. Alice giggled into her hand as Debbie blew a strand of hair from her face.

"You're blinding everyone. Alice, back me up here." Said Donna

"You always look pretty…but you look less pretty than you could in that." Said Alice choosing her words carefully. Debbie flopped herself back down onto the couch.

"Ok, let's all, like, ignore Donna's pathetic attempts at changing the conversation by talking crazy." Said Debbie. Donna rolled her blue eyes; Alice thought she looked a little like Roach then.

"_Those kids'll be the death of me!"_

"_I know Mommy; may they burn in hell!"_

"_Go down there and shut them up!"_

"_It's probably that bastard in the walls that's go them riled up. I'll get him…I'll get him good…"_

"_Roach, are you scared?" _

"_I'll take the eye rolling as a no."_

"_I know you'll never get hurt."_

"_And I know you'll never hurt me."_

"…because it's bad enough that I've seen…and walked in on…." Said Donna breaking Alice from her memory. She blushed red as a tomato as she thought about what Donna was referring to.

"Seriously? You, like, saw everything out in the open?" asked Debbie thinking back to her own fourteen year old romps in the park and behind the gym at night. Wow, Allie really was normal…was that a good thing?

"I want to turn invisible." Said Alice pulling the neckline of her dress up over her face like she had seen Roach done when he was embarrassed. She had let Roach….make her happy but she was always wearing a dress under a blanket and she was careful to be quiet.

"In that dress I don't blame you." Said Donna. Debbie gave her a look and Donna shot one right back. What? It was a really, really ugly dress.

"I'm totally gonna channel mom right now…Alice you have nothing to be ashamed of, blah , blah, blah...uh…there's nothing wrong with human intimacy…uh…Ok back to being Debbie…" said Debbie before Donna cut her off.

"I notice because, well, it's nothing I haven't done before. Just do stuff like that in private because if I noticed then my mom and dad totally will and…yeah, you don't want that to happen." Said Donna. Debbie nodded in agreement.

"There's nothing wrong with that but parents don't want to know about that just like we don't want to know about them doing that." Said Debbie. She and Donna looked at each other for a minute before simultaneously shuddering.

"What?" asked Alice. They both looked like Fool did when he first saw Roach's tongue.

"Mom and dad…doing it." Said Donna. The thought was almost too horrible for words. As far as she was concerned her parents only did it five times to make her and her siblings…and they did it in the dark with a sheet between them.

"My parents…oh God! It'd be like two elephant skin rugs rolling around together!" said Debbie with a blanche. Alice tried to picture that but it didn't make much sense to her. Elephants were gray and people were peach colored. Suddenly she felt a sort of anxiety fall over her.

"You, like, look even more disturbed than I do. Mom and Dad don't look that bad." Said Debbie. Alice smiled feebly. Donna stopped laughing; Alice looked really, really bothered.

"It's not that…I…do I look nice?" asked Alice. She knew that Roach loved her but it hurt that he wouldn't let her touch him. Maybe she didn't look nice. Debbie told her time and time again that boys cared most about looks.

"In that, not really, but you do have total babe potential." Said Debbie wondering where this had come from.

"You're like, way skinny. Skinny's best…but don't stop eating or anything." Said Donna. Alice was borderline too skinny but she looked nice in a sweet way, not a sexy way.

"Do you really mean that 'cause I was just thinking that…" said Alice softly her voice trailing off.

"Whoever said you didn't look totally cute is an asshole." Said Debbie. Alice looked startled at the casual way her big sister threw bad words around. Debbie resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Honestly! Allie was still freaked out by cursing even though she had been out of that demented version of The Addam's Family for, like, ever.

"Nobody said it…it's just that Roach won't let me…" said Alice. Donna had a small internal debate with herself. On the one hand telling Alice would clear up the self-doubt she was having but on the other hand it wasn't her place to tell Alice something so personal that he had not chosen to tell anyone.

"He has some issues about that. It's not my place to tell you what so don't ask. Seriously, don't." said Donna in her firmest, no nonsense, voice. Alice nodded. If Roach wanted her to know about whatever it was then he'd tell her. He didn't tell her much about his time in the cellar and she knew not to ask very often. He didn't eat people, that's all she needed to know.

"If you want to do something then maybe you should, like, just do it." Said Debbie. Donna shot her a red hot glare. Yeah, great way to have David Jr., crying in the closet for God knows how long.

"Ask him, for the love of God if you want to do something, touching or kissing, otherwise, ask him if it's Ok. Seriously. Take baby steps." Said Donna

"There's stuff besides kissing and touching? Do you mean fitting together?" said Alice remembering what Donna had told her about people fitting together like puzzle pieces. How did they fit together? What, exactly, did they do?

"Well fitting together is what comes last." Said Donna in her best older and wiser than you voice. Debbie made a noise in agreement.

"It's not getting to the finish line, it's running the race. But there's no actual running involved." Said Debbie

"What's it like? The fitting together I mean." Said Alice. Debbie and Donna took a moment to formulate their thoughts.

"It's like you're sharing yourself with someone and they're sharing themselves with you." Said Donna looking off into the distance of a memory only she could see.

"It's like…fun and scary and out of control and perfect…when you care about him…" said Debbie

"The first few times it hurts and then after that the actual fitting together isn't that good because he won't really know what he's doing but you won't care because you're with and he's with you and everything is just so perfect." Said Donna

"The first time it'll be over so fast it won't even seem like you've done it at all…when it's over you'll feel so warm and you'll need to hold him and have him hold you. It'll all just be so…right. You'll lay down in bed or wherever you did it and think 'Wow, he was just inside of me'." Said Debbie

"The first time is gonna be so awkward; especially because I know he's never been with a girl before. It's not gonna feel like…God this feels incestuous…you're not gonna finish from him being inside of you. With boys you have to tell them what you like and if they care about you they'll want you to feel good. Trust me, David Jr., care about you. He's just scared of hurting you and stuff…" Said Donna

"I'm going to tell you again just so you remember; the first time will hurt. There's probably gonna be blood but much less than now. The first time he's in you you're gonna need a minute to get used to it. Having him in you…well it's not like anything but its self." Said Debbie her voice lacking it's trademark upwards inflection at the end. Alice knew this was serious. She wanted to absorb everything they were telling her.

"If it doesn't feel good then why would I want to do it?" asked Alice quietly. She wanted to avoid things that hurt her. Still, from their tones she could tell that it must have been a good thing.

"It feels emotionally good and it'll feel physically good later on. Just make sure that you're ready before he's in you otherwise it's the worst kind of hurt." Said Debbie

"And make sure that you're ready and he's ready too. Doing it for the first time is a big thing. It's not the most important moment of your life or anything but it's a big thing. You don't want to regret this and you don't want him to either. He's a sweet guy and he cares about you but he has his issues. He's pretty upbeat a lot but…he's brave for you. Don't push him. Seriously." said Donna emphasizing the last words.

"So I should ask him…Ok. You're both sure that this isn't bad. You swear on your lives?" Said Alice her voice lower than usual. Debbie and Donna laughed quietly as not to offend her.

"We swear on our lives and the lives of Madonna and Cyndi Lauper." They both said at once with their hands over their hearts in mock seriousness.

"Well, that's all I have to say about that." Said Donna getting up. This whole thing felt very, very incestuous but still sweet somehow. Maybe it was Alice and this whole "Blue Lagoon" only with severe PTSD thing they had going on.

"You gotta go?" asked Debbie motioning to the shadows creeping across the floor. How long had it been? It was late noon, almost the evening.

"Yeah. See you guys when I see you." Said Donna going over to the front hallway. Debbie and Alice followed her to let her out. It had been some crazy day.

"Bye, Donna. Thank you." Said Alice opening the door for her friend. The summer breeze felt good against her skin.

"Come back later if you want to do some more bonding." Said Debbie closing the door. Donna walked home with a kaleidoscope of thoughts mixing in her mind. She almost missed a time before David Jr., when life was simpler. She bit the inside of her mouth when those thoughts invaded her mind. No, just because things were really weird right now did not mean she'd wish away her little brother. She came home to find her siblings locked in a battle over Pong on the old Atari. Ah…something resembling normal.


End file.
